http://wrjanan.livejournal.com

maths exam tmr in the morning.
i havent started studying.
what the fuck am i doing in jc
i should have just gone to poly
OMFG
i really dont want to go school tmr.

BIO EXAM IN 1 HOUR 15 MINS TIME.
30 MINS TO MUG.
GGXX AHAHHAHAHA.
WATCH ME GET OWNED!

in search for the existence of my true soul mate,
i'll do close to anything.
anything means everything else other than nothing.
close to anything then would mean everything else which does not include suicide, murder etc..
haha
smoking is close to one of those.
its hard to quit if you started since sec 2.
tell me, remind me, if you really am serious,
so that i know that its safe to put in my all.

tomorrow's my bio exam and guess what?
i have the whole syllabus to revise.
am i dead or am i fucking dead.

ME BIRTHDAY PARTY PICTURES!
HAHAHAHA
THANKS ALL FOR COMING!
MAKING ME REAL HAPPY!
woo

shawn(fucking long never meet siah) and aveil(teehee=D)

darius(hilltop huat ar!), joel(hilltop huat ar!), ruben(coolest guy!woo!), christopher(owner of the big house!), aveil(hilltop huat ar!), me, tabs(hilltop huat ar!)

dzul(gambling khaki, talk cock buddy), darius(hilltop huat ar!), tabs(hilltop huat ar!), alex(hilltop huat ar!)

nicholas(hilltop huat ar!)

maine(this girl full of angst to spread to me! next time if i angry.. blame her! haha), bernie(hilltop huat ar! got nicest hair haha! =D), me! =D

me, shao ren(CJ smoking buddy, nicest guy ever! except he bullies erhem. which aint cool! hahah), christopher(shao's cous), aveil(hilltop huat ar!) =D

JOEL CHIEW! hahah =D good pal! nights spent together! LOL

shawn, engwei(fucking old friend! =D), cheokmun(hahah beer boy)

setting up rubbish bags/puke bags lol.

leanne and LONG KANG(drain) hahahahah
if you know this drain don't view her blog.
haha!

i was damn supermanly happy on 18/19june
hahahah its like no studies no anything!
just the few good ol pals of mine.
hanging out with me!

ahhhh i still feel happy.
hahaha OMG EXAMS IN 2 DAYS TIME.
1 DAY LEFT TO STUDY!!!!
asmdfionovnfmsdmfsm
SOMEBODY SAVE ME!

i feel utterly insulted.
do i portray an image of no feelings?
hai.
maybe i'm just tired.
mahjong yesterday night and haven't caught up with a wink of sleep.

finally.
days of cat walking is over.
hahahah modeling at united square was such fun.
haaha like walk walk pose pose walk walk smile smile.
hahaha!
who was there to see!
hahahah assholes nvr come support!
kelly's mom treated us to dinner!
ahhaha feast i tell you!
and worms open warfare!
i am going to download it now!!!
HAHAHA =DD
what a fun day =DDD
smoked only 3 sticks!
on my way to a healthy lifestyle!
wooooooooooo
life seems to get better
hahahha =DD
EXCEPT FOR EXAMS!

scars everywhere

sigh.. my face is still scarred.
heal please!
i can't laugh properly because of its presence.
omg.. its like everytime i cringe my face.
my skin stretches and yes pain.
ahha.
nah beh puuu bor.
if my love life was in chemistry,
i think i would be in gaseous state.
hahahha with atoms widely spread,
once in awhile collision happens.
but the nucleus of my atom is LARGE!
hahhaha so im strong..
and i shall resist.
hahhaha i still like her.
all of you should know.

o ya i better get my blog link of friendster.
so only me good friends can read!
hahah everyone else i give you all like 1 week to shoo.
i have blog counter so i know who ar!
better stop it NOW!

accidental deletion of few contacts..
what a bother...
i'm starting to get frustrated.
left me alone and then you walked out of me.
i just wanna be with you and that's the only way.
will you let go, leave me all alone.

janan tan is my name,
slay me when i'm lame.
talk to me all the same,
and you will embrace fame.
that night you all came,
i felt so tamed.

AHHAHAHHA fucking dope.
aiya bored.
time to go study!

I THINK I'M GOING TO BUY A PACK OF CIG.

CANNOT TAHAN AR.

cool it off.
i think i'm too desperate.
haha okay. stick to the plan.
study and army.
and then what humans are born for.
to love in a family.
hahaha that's another 2and 1/2 years.
better be financially stable by then.
ahaha i cant sleep omg!
thinking too much.

18 and loving it

haha i feel changed.
as how i always feel once in a while!
no more smoking. for real!
even after ivan's present =D
thanks all for coming down to my party!
=DDDDDDD
was damn fucking happy!
you who am so foreign to me.
can make me feel so at ease.

soccer bets are fucking me up.
NO MORE!
hahhaa i'm too greedy it think.
its like i lose and i want to earn back.
ahhaha next time i bet.
i think ill just bet the minimum 5 dollars!
haha

IM SO DARN EXCITED!
woooooooooooooooooo

some1 help give me stress

haha mahjong with friends again.
guess what, i drew myself to a thirteen wonders!
yes shi san yao! knnccb hahahaha.
really made my day !
what luck!

like how i always feel,
what is meant to be will be.
janan, stop forcing.
if it's not yours IT'S NOT!

sporty day.

managed to wake up for school today haha.
june holidays really equals to late nights,
long sleeps, long snoozes, great dreams.

played bball and swimming haha.
fucking sporty today i swear.
ahhaha and i never knew the talents my friends bore.
nah beh so fucking pro haha.
like the true blue ah bengs with so much time to play bball haha.
sorry guys HAHA.
well i think i'm good too hahaha!
just that i suck 100X at dribbling/ball control.
hahahahah while they are like ownage at ball control hha.
nonetheless it was fun! hehe!
must play badminton! my favorite!

sporty day.

and i thought i clearly heard you saying you missed me.

nonetheless, i think i won't shunt you. i can't.
if i do I'll be back to square 1, regretting the way i did before.
i just have to place my priorities right,
and A' levels first on the list!
maybe friends first too haha.

my nose seems so much better now muahaha!
one of the reason why i seem slightly more joyous!
hahaha! i must start studying soon.
i've been procrastinating.. .. .. .. .. ..

just so happy june holidays have started =D

my dear friend aveil has turned 18! haha
booze and smokes to celebrate i damn well enjoyed it.
haha now i am back in the midst of week creeping back to study mode,
as exams are this week.
how dead can i get...

its been so long since i've last seen you.
my feelings i can't contain cause i still do feel for you.
i know i still will because things we did in the past.
i never was mature to understand.
now that we are split,
have i realise how precious you really mean to me.
these feelings i've felt for so long.
have come back again.
my feelings were true,
my actions were wrong,
now i regret,
and its too late.
my heart is heavy yet again.

love.. is just a word dictated in the dictionary.
its not fact which its description states.
all i can say is i know my dictionary best.
unless proven useless.

haha brain test in facebook damn fun!
4 tutorials bio essay econs test.
dead la. just dead.

WOW

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

-David Kleinberg

LETS GET READY FOR SCHOOL!
ahhaha,
i just cant stop thinking bout you.
its been awhile.
i still haven't changed.
i'm disappointed.

minced meat pork must have ketchup.
plain ones really tastes bad.
played captain's ball with my class at sports carnival!
T31! hahah. i love today.
really wished sports carnivals will be like once per month!
haha!
i'm damn stressed now.
later i'm going for dom's concert. then poker.
and ill have no time for homework.
ahhh!!

econs essay.
sigh.
i really need to invest that 15 bucks on that certain book on procrastination at popular

weed is fucked up.

played my weekend away.
at least i had a sunday to start on my homework.
life's all good for me so long as friends i make are friends that stay.
having a good social life to myself is more important than life itself.
being in earth itself makes me part of everyone else.
i cant be selfish.


just me rattling on..
after dzul's crazy speech on the supernatural.
inspired as i was to philosophize on subjects man can never phantom.
at least for myself i have my own resolve and purpose in life.

friends that match my self are hard to find,
once found, time will only lead to hardships.
how i wish my schedule weren't as tight,
so i can go and find these friends of mine.

hilltop, i miss you all.

life is floating fast away.
like the life battered by wind,
i'm left with bruises all over.

just bought ear phones!
muahha like finally after so long i get to stick some in ear buds into my ear,
and listen to some loud wacko bass music man!!
rock on!!

poker at mich's let me try remember.
mark, the big fair guy!
lydia, the girl studying in aussie.
aaron, alaal haha.
jeremy, yup.
haha and yea chuck shao wei and michelle!
its just another poker night.
texas hold'em really is fun!
this time chuck was dealer.
=D so it was fair and fun!
i cant wait.. for the next day to come.
haha! weeeeeeee saturday!

we all must have a purpose in life.
whether to earn lotsa $$,
or a humble cause to just live life as simple as it can be.
i'm interested to know what's yours.

long distance definitely isn't my cup of tea.
hahaha 2.4 seems so tough for me..
but i shall train more.
so that it will be as easy as switching on my PSP to play final fantasy!!! hahaha
so easy that ill go play it now!
wonder when my next dental will be.
haha

praba's partyyyy

weee thanks mustafa for inviting me to his pre-birthday party!
ahah sure was fun!
psp is killing me.
final fantasy crisis core is a killer.
darn fun to play!
ahha! too bad the bleach games are in jap! =(
chem exam next week.
i want to get an A ahah.

just some relevant msn article i found interesting.
hahah http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=8717&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6&GT1=26000
i did not copy paste so as to not cross the border of piracy hahaha.
check it out if you have the time!
its interesting trust me!
more intriguing then all my posts combined.

school's ever so boring.
but i cant wait for this week to end!
this friday is praba's birthday!
weee~ and after that saturday arena free flooowowoowoww.
owwwwwwwwwwww
hahaha i just cant wait till my liver gets damaged.
o ya i just got my psp ahh!
its killing my study time.
how am i going to university haha.

wah sai! i just bought myself a psp!
ahaha indulging in games and happiness.
i hope to lead a more joyful life! hahaha or so to speak.
$300! pretty cheap since the guy bought in only in feb this year!
and with a 4gb mem card with 2 umd games!
wah!! stop drooling at YOUR SEAT!
hahahaha but i still have to go modify it.

I LOST MY SINGPASS PASSWORD
die. never sign up for ns.
SHIT.
school tmr sucksklsksksk

bleach is definitely an anime worth watching.
haha though i know that i have spent long hours!
let me count...
1 episode is about 20 mins +
round to 20 ba.
haha and i've watched 100 episodes +
round to 100 !
haha 20 00 mins
200/6 hours!
= 30 hours! wah seh!
hahahah not as bad as i thought.
ahhaha at least i get some satisfaction!

BANKAI!

school's starting tmr and holidays ending tonight.
i feel unprepared and depressed.
having thought and motivated myself to at least study a bit during this week,
i totally squandered my time away.
ahha no worries!
it was a nice long break and i enjoyed it!
now its time to go to my room and study as i hit the books!
and score AAAAAA for A levels! woo!

i really want to have a laptop..

nights at tim's house.
poker and drinks except that drinks were water and milk.
haha! mom complained that we were too noisy.
previously we drank at his house and made shit loads of noises!
haha texas hold'em is such an interesting game....
not only you gamble haha!
you get to nkow to some extent i feel how a person truly is.
haha i think i suck as a person cos everytime i deal.
I ATTEMPT TO CHEAT!
so please if you see me trying to cheat!
hahah STOP me!
i must kick the habitttttttttt.
not my rabbit haha.

abit cranky now cos i havent slept after chionged bio revision tru last night.
2 hours of sleep for probably 40+ hours?
time to catch up on some zZZ time! ahha

joel let me off some of his good hands.
haha his nice.
i will always remember how we owned the day.
by investing only 10 bucks each and we reaped a 600% profit
hahaha! zai! great minds think alike.
so is how 2 brains are better than albert einstein!
2 smart brains of cos! hahaha

off for more poker with tim shawn joel and gang hahaha.
fun stuff.
i must control myself and not be a gambling addict..
but gambling is friends is fun on the hindsight!
friends is everything i need.
haha

life's a mystery..
people tell you something,
you will never know if its true, or false.
take life easy.
we will be pleased.
lets not regret
what we forget.
but delight in the grandeur of life.

chem exam today.
gona fail terribly.
now maths tmr.
and i cant start studying.

i take my eyes of this girl i like,
but i just cant get my mind to stray.

feelings of mine i cant deny,
yet time will harden this heart,
and i will start talking again.

exams tmr,

and i went to drink yesterday.

trickster's a fucker.

study.

bye

i cant seem to put my hands and mind onto my studies.

i'm in permenant flux.

school's a bitch

every year,
the school has to find fault with my hair.
and yet theres no proper rationale behind the rules.
the irony comes when only after i cut my hair,
that i get caught for long hair.
?!?!?!?! cutting hair should lead to shorter hair,
means even before i went for a hair cut,
my hair was longer yet i wasn't caught.
seriously redundant rule.
common tests are coming,
i have no time let alone energy to ponder and despise the rules,
let alone schedule my time for splattt.
i'm sorry but if you think students suck up,
i ain't your typical student.
get your hands off me your probbing your nose too deep.
now don't try to be one of me by lying about how you were involved in gang activities.
you don't even give allowance to people not as extreme as you MR GANGSTA.
if i'm not wrong the hidden motive behind that session of 'counsel'
was just an opportunity to recruit people for your sole purpose of your organization.
not that i don't respect the organization's cause,
rather i disrespect and disgust at your approach to me.
hate me for all you want,
i may not be a leader of change in your eyes.
i do not have to be a leader to be a human being.
i am who i am.
it's not so easy to inject your mindsets into mine.
i can't conform.
sorry.

haha i should start loving myself =D

once bitten,
twice stubborn,
thrice fallen.

i guess i shall head kelly's advice,
and to stop being a fool.
time to go help maine with her party~ woo

naturally

haha.
school yet again..
i got scolded by my class only retainee today.
hahaha. he really has a screw loose..
aiyoyo.
aiya nvm la i think his okay.
he said stuff i always say to him.
hahaha so i guess its his way of testing the waters between us.
like see whether we're close friends enough for me to take that joke.
haha.

bad news and good news =X
ill just say the good news..
though its really only for charmaine haha.
charmaine the good news is........................
i can help you set up you party =(

finally got my own room!
wooo weeee!
time to go shopping for items to decorate my room!
any1 wanna come over to chill at MY ROOM do tell me !
=DDDDDDDD

happy birthday charmaine

haha.

slacked alot today.

went to nigel's house to meet the birthday girl haha.

caught them in act. hahaha.

took quite fast to prepare hahaha.

i think cone's very nice.

haha very very sweet.

ahhhhh.

drank a little.

haha must curb the beer belly.

work's calling me.

time to finish math =D

mug janan mug

body tired

lazed in bed till like 12.30 today.

chingay really is tiresome.

seriously serious.

hahaha

i think the only thing i gained were the 2 shirts.

literally hahaha.

and a body so saturated with fatigue i fainted the moment i reached home.

changed of position in me and my mom's room.

soon ill be conquering my sister's room!

muahah!

at least i have a proper table and environment to study.

must do well!

chingay

chingay is damn ultra life sucking,.
i woke up feeling even more tired,
yet i know i cant sleep cos later i have to go again.
i dont really understand the point of chingay =X


when i try to ignore.
i fail terribly.
i can never forget this love of mine.

spa

a level's tmr.
its just spa not a big deal but...
i'm just gona study till late.

thoughts.

i try so hard to ignore.
its not working.
i have to try harder.

ah ma's birthday ah

school.
sigh.
its not the end of the world.
spring court restaurant full of china people.
haha.
i better go study.
exam tmr.

time will tell.

woke up early today, had the intention of going to church but after pondering awhile, i decided to just slack at home and finish up yu hee the witch show. haha, went for lunch with my friend and left to huiyi's place to bai fang hahaha. gambled abit there with cards and i lost alot hahahaha.
o wells chinese new year has given me much $$. so i guess might as well have fun with friends and let them win or myself. hahaa i hate gambling actually. i myself like to save money and to see money lost this way, my heart aches. for both winning and losing party of cause. since winning also has its disadvantages. winner must be smart enough to control the happiness then won't make others feel sad. haha but if win against me just jump with joy, ahha cause i will feel happy if you're happy. left for liyi's place after to bai fang her maid and dogs. hahaha no la! her parents came late noon. when cass had to leave. so yea anyway 1 of liyi's dog was darn cute. mix of chihuahua and maltese. ahhh so damn damn cute. small size until i feel like kicking. hahaha.
i wish i have a dog like that too. maybe next time when i have my own house. cool stuff. met hilltop after at downtime. haha accompanied bern bern for dinner. ahha we were laughing at meng's kitchen chef ahhaha. if you ever go there at night time, the chef is a monk i swear! he shakes his head so vigorously when he cooks his noodle im afraid that his head might just appear in my soup. still havent gotten over but i know i'm controlling. thats comforting for myself as i don't start crying like before. haha. thinking back i feel a little possessed over what i call limerence.

time will tell.

BAI FANG

went to grandparent's place for lunch -.-
retarded cos went there just for lunch.
ahhaha had a few rounds with the mahjong pros.
oldies playing mahjong.
then went home to meet charmaine.
hai she ar.
seek escapes which are so harmful.
wish she will get over it soon.
me too.
den to ivan's place haha.
played mahjong earned 7$?
yea. hehe.
man tai for the win.
hahaha imma improving haha.
this small kid i was playing with,
was hardcore.
hahaha he won quite a fair bit.
ahhaa younger generations are getting smarter.
deyong's place after for feaast!
hahaha godly lettuce.
hahaha loved it x1000000000
freshest ever.
mahjong further as deyong slowly learnt the game =D
soon we can play again haha.

thanks.....
not even a message.....
i should just give up.....

her

you never seem to start the smses.
always answering what i ask.
never asking something bout me.
im done.

in a few mins.

ill down my sorrows with a cup of jamaican rum.

see you soon

Chinese New Year

went to mom's side,

den to dad's side.

collected ang bao,

got 200$ + in total.

throughout the day.

all i thought of was you.

it seems harder to forget.

i'm still deeply in love.

truth

went to sleep with tears flowing down.
never once had this happen to me.
my state of mind now is in its lowest.
i guess since its all over for me,
ill just splurt out my true feelings,

theres countless reasons why i like you.
characteristics in you i know might go well in future.
chasing you now,
was just a selfish part on myself.
all i wanted was to be with you forever.
and even through army,
since in army i will be caged up,
i might just loose you in that lenghty 2 years.
since i've already lost,
i guess i'll go back and fulfill my promise.
to not get a girlfriend only until army.

but you are all i want.
i wish you could understand how important
it is for me to be able to love you.
and be loved by you.

a single post aint enough to express my entire thoughts.

i cant help it.

i never felt this bad.

what can i do,

what can i possibly do.

i really need you.

my motivation in studies.

i study well,

when i think of you.

i feel good,

when i think of you.

i smile with joy,

when i think of you.

i snigger and laugh to myself,

when i see you smile.

i think of you,

when i see you in my phone.

i want to take all blame,

when you feel sad.

i would do anything,

just to see you smile.

just to hear you say you love me.

i believe that one will always feel an attraction to someone else.

tell me who you truly like.

so i can give up hope.

if not i'll be in endless attraction.

i fell in love with you the moment i set my eyes on you.

only you can make me a better person,

and only you can tear me up so badly.

lugubrious

thats how i feel.
depressed as i was i picked myself out of bed.
to find debbie and go shop.
mood rings kept coming.
as i almost cried my way to town.
dint feel like talking.
dint feel like socialising.
just wanted to make sure that theres debbie to take care of me.
when times are bad.
its people whom makes me feel better.
and guess what,
its not improving.
how long would i take to forget.
ive kept long periods of this emotion.
its not easy to let go.
but i will.
because deep down i know.
she does not feel the same way as i do.
so theres no point.
i just delude myself,
that there will be someone just like her.

i have to stop this.
more bad news.
ill just die.
premonitions of death have already set my mind.
im still sane to chuck them aside.
so dont worry.

time lost can never be gained.
thats why yesterday can never be today nor tomorrow.
and thats why history can never be changed.

yet miracles happen.
ill never know when.
i sure hope it does some day.

but someone so practical.
will never believe in love.

god heal this broken heart.
i cant handle this alone.

.

i woke up on the wrong side of my bed today. dreaming that she would call me for a chat. with a puddle on my left and a dent in me, i go for shopping with a heavy heart.

life changed, dreams folded, hopes dashed.

some times one get the butterflies.
most of the times one dont.
this time we dont.
yet i still love to be in her presence.
what feelings are there in love.
i will never understand.
though the times spent i cherish dearly.
she said no.
yet i cant do anything.
except to love and not be loved.
harsh truth of life.
being put down this way.
is tragic and sorrowful.
for humans are social beings.
i understand that many people in the world.
are in the same boat as me.
yet i feel.
my experience is different.
everyone says im opposites with them.
yet my close friends are so similar to me.
but im not looking for one whom is similar to me.
however im looking for one whom is of different poles.
so what i think in life,
decision-making.
i will be sure there is a balance.
one can never be one sided.
yet different point of views must be looked at.
being so opposite may not necessarily be bad.

sorry for this depressing post.
i just feel so very lugubrious.
i hope i wont be the same throughout this year.
because everytime i see that face.
i feel joy and happiness at my doorstep.
unluckily it doesn't go 2 ways.

drink drank only tipsy

bought a shirt! woo! love it. haha.
shopped with maine and amelia.
hahaha charmaine had the same dress as a girl.
i think from cjc as well.
hahahahha damn funny.
somemore both also small size 1 hahahhaa.
den amelia saw this brown bag.
which i liked too.
hahaha she bought it already i think!
=D feel happy for her! haha. its gorgeous.
so was my shirt.
so IS that girl.

some pictures? hahaha dont kill me.

amelia is damn scary.


scared? i am.ahhaha!


charmaine looks gorillarific

classic charmaine pose hahaa. typical la.

ahha. chingay was fun.
very fun =D
my day started great.

went with alex retrieve his lost phone haha.
traveled the world .
lol finding sheng xiong was a killer.
all those want to shop there ang mio kio branch.
remember its block 122!
ahaha

drank with hilltop friends.
not all drank haa.
games chill chat.
very broke after all.
high on water as mervin says.
hahahha ton at joel's place.
damn shiok his bed.
hahah i just feel more comfortable sleeping in a bed not labeled "janan"

now its time to study.
must practice what i preached and not let down.

dilemma

chalets ive checked, do not allow more den 12 people to a house.

masterplan.

once a year, my birthday's coming.
haha this year is when i turn 18.
im gonna hold a big big party!
wee~ inviting all my close friends =DD
no need presents!
just 15 dollars and your presence!
theres gona be drinks! music! dance floor!
haha at a chalet probably!
i hope there will be enough drinks!
this party is meant for all of us to have fun and party!
ill try settle everything as soon as possible!

mixed emotions

100$ richer after working.
haha.
though i feel guilty at times.
its too easy to be hard earned money.
i wonder whats my vocation.
at times i feel as though i'm born to be a computer geek.
today i feel like alpha human.
good in everything.
BUT not good in holding on to you.
i just give up too easily.
and i know i must.
yet all of me is reluctant to let go.
its as though i'm about to let loose the key to life.
giving up will mean locking my life forever.
maybe not forever but for a long while..
till.... i can find another key complementary to me.
haha biology is fun.

or maybe...

its time to go.

smokes

i've cut down probably close to 10 folds of cigs per day.
its expensive and unhealthy.
ill quit smoking,
as long as i know i can be with you.
other than that news i will be needing cigs to accompany me.

i want to wake up and be like cai wu long in yu hee, the witch.
going to bishan to chill.

i'll rather be with her.
but she aint free.
i'm probably not as important.
probably just another guy after her.
ahha.

happy birthday becks!

haha, let me introduce charmaine to all of you.

an obscene talkative nice girl =D haha.

small in size but big stomach.

haha shes dope.

and handsome me trying to light up. ahah

mass pe is just such a tiring programme.
quite easy today's programme though.
haha cause i cheated.
and joined those to do pull ups.
hehe extra 15 pull ups over more running x
how i hate to run.

paper monkey

take a good look at the picture above.

i want to stand in tall and strong like the paper person.

in areas of my life like love, career, family, friends.

who doesn't

i know one person who don't.

not in all areas but one.

i'm puzzled and left hanging.

why?

i suddenly feel very angry at myself.

i do NOT KNOW why i keep brooding over this.

I WISH I JUST FORGET.

but i cant.

i lose my appetite lose my patience lose my sleep.

i just dreamt yesterday.

in my arms. cheek to cheek.

i wish i would dream forever.

at least superficial brain power can let me delude myself of heaven.

youth is an asset itself.

experience is something which differs from one to another.

everyones' life experiences is different.

but with more experience one's life is more fulfilling.

be it good or bad.

WHY AM I STILL ON THIS.

i really need to get brain washed.

O MY GOD.

words cannot portray what im feeling inside.

i cannot fanthom what has become of me.

WHY WHYWHYWHWYWHWWYHWYWHYWHWYWHWYHWYWHWYWHYWHWYWHWYHWYWHWYHYWHYWHYWHYWH

standing taller.

i wish i was over youth.

an adult, with my own aspirations.

not in school, but with friends.

true friends and a life that i like.

a job i admire,

a job i favor.

i wish..

i wish.....

blogging

when people blog,

i wonder if they blog,

for the sake of relieving their emotions,

or blog for the mere fact that the some1 some group that post is targeted to,

might accidentally hop into the blog,

or is a regular reader.

i for my self know that although i do want some to know what i'm blogging about,

i have that nice feeling,

when i know i have placed my emotions and thoughts at a certain time in an archive,

also that i am about to formulate for myself,

what i am feeling during that day, time.

now i really need to find out what love is.

love as i have implored is mainly 3 stages.

lust , attraction , attachment

lust would be the initial physical liking of someone.

according to a website it said that it could last from a couple of weeks to 2 months.

rarely going past a month.

this is where we all get our crush eye candy whatsoever.

attraction is developed from lust,

where it is individualistic and varies from person to person.

Recent studies have indicated that as people fall in love,

the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals,

stimulating the brain

and leading to side-effects

such as an increased heart rate,

loss of appetite and sleep,

and an intense feeling of excitement.

Research has indicated that this stage generally

lasts from one and a half to three years.

thanks alot i would say.

1 and a half years.

lastly commitment,

is something i can never achieve.

fuck love

self speaking diary

i need to find a flaw.

i must find something.

something bad amiss.

horrendous enough to put me off.

YES

my secret.

HAHA

after smoking lots and downing my sorrows.

i know i've come to senses.

janan don't be sad.

please.

you must stand strong.

ill find and write down everything bad.

YES and keep reminding myself that she is not what i always wanted.

you can do it janan.

at the expense of work.

you must do it.

now go smoke.

AN ZUA

why do i force myself to chase you so hard.

if its not meant to be so be it.

but why does it have to be that i just keep liking.

i dunno if all that rejection just makes me want her more.

i just want all to stop.

find a cure in exterminating whatever male hormones left in me.

develop it back when im 26 years old.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

so damn down.

hai.

i wish i hadn't done that.

down and out.

heads low. emotions lost.

feelings tangled.

i really am out.

changing people

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sunshine

your eyes..

are the brightest of all colours.

they never fail to catch me offguard.

i haven't seem to have forgotten.

lost are the days i can have freedom.

i'm still struggling with school.

life

seems much better

when i have a positive outlook in everything i do.

warcraft.

i can finally create warcraft games =D

im smart and lucky mauhahahahahhaa

wc3 pals come online

its afternoon, my resting period.

WHERE ARE YOU MY WC3 PALS!

looks like no games today.

haha im gona take a nap.

yawn.

energy spent awake in school has to be replenished.

amazing how i didn't sleep in school.

it's all in the mind people.

have the interest/motivation to want to do well/study.

you will be able to stay awake in class!

school reopens

school is fun. with the stress involved.

and the friends, i really love school.

BUT i admit that school rules

are shit piss retarded.

white shoes.

hah.

man if the school wants to impress J1s,

must it be in this way of formal school image.

OH MY GOD.

what do most teens want the most.

is a place where they can belong and relate to.

where i am now.

is definitely somewhere i don't belong and can only relate to,

as a place to study.

please do not punish us just so to please the new intakes.

ARGH.

off to complete my NEW YEAR RESOLUTION =D

2 hours of studying a DAY!!!

wee~ im a mugger now.

2008 changes people. =P